i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
