Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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