what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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