Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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