Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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