woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
