He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
