Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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