Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize