and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
