I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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