and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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