**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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