i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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