You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
