my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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