dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
