she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
