I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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