Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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(251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq

Replies (38) Good night (1040) Bad night (3844)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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(513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm

Replies (96) Good night (13580) Bad night (2515)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.

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(215): Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing. http://tfl.nu/grk7

Replies (9) Good night (3496) Bad night (1275)
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(804): View more from Virginia

If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.

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(804): If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/1m8c

Replies (23) Good night (3796) Bad night (1072)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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(250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4

Replies (13) Good night (3572) Bad night (898)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

(774): View more from Massachusetts

It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

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(774): If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?" (774): It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?" http://tfl.nu/cbil

Replies (8) Good night (2717) Bad night (829)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.

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(603): Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you. http://tfl.nu/ssin

Replies (4) Good night (1256) Bad night (606)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

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(610): I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason? http://tfl.nu/yqy8

Replies (7) Good night (832) Bad night (1080)
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(817): View more from Texas

I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

(512): View more from Texas

Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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(817): I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night. (512): Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. http://tfl.nu/r01e

Replies (4) Good night (2153) Bad night (554)
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(314): View more from Missouri

So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.

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(314): So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better. http://tfl.nu/6bjm

Replies (0) Good night (633) Bad night (555)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.

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(505): So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused. http://tfl.nu/omzp

Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (443)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?

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(+61): I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence? http://tfl.nu/7wi3

Replies (1) Good night (618) Bad night (461)
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(323): View more from California

I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.

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(323): I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage. http://tfl.nu/vubj

Replies (0) Good night (589) Bad night (358)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.

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(412): So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him. http://tfl.nu/x1lw

Replies (2) Good night (664) Bad night (352)
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(801): View more from Utah

I feel like I have a very capable uterus.

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(801): I feel like I have a very capable uterus. http://tfl.nu/zif4

Replies (2) Good night (303) Bad night (173)

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