Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
