Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  im drinking this country out of the recession.

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  (804): im drinking this country out of the recession. http://tfl.nu/s99f
  Replies (23) Good night (2126) Bad night (498)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.

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  (407): Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life. http://tfl.nu/q1vp
  Replies (38) Good night (4168) Bad night (668)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.

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  (614): I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon. http://tfl.nu/njuz
  Replies (34) Good night (2422) Bad night (5649)
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  (961): View more from

  I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

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  (961): I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit http://tfl.nu/r0do
  Replies (28) Good night (7645) Bad night (1646)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.

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  (609): i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you. http://tfl.nu/fon6
  Replies (9) Good night (876) Bad night (3926)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

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  (612): Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff. http://tfl.nu/mldb
  Replies (2) Good night (949) Bad night (2950)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.

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  (801): First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up. http://tfl.nu/q6w0
  Replies (8) Good night (2937) Bad night (951)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...

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  (203): Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store... http://tfl.nu/b4g4
  Replies (4) Good night (2050) Bad night (798)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.

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  (+44): I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy. http://tfl.nu/np1e
  Replies (3) Good night (3644) Bad night (656)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.

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  (630): As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games. http://tfl.nu/gy2l
  Replies (7) Good night (1857) Bad night (888)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days

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  (773): I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days http://tfl.nu/nte6
  Replies (9) Good night (2652) Bad night (950)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.

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  (850): This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/j4m5
  Replies (19) Good night (2728) Bad night (555)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??

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  (208): Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five?? http://tfl.nu/5sl1
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (318)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said

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  (312): You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'. (219): I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said http://tfl.nu/2r64
  Replies (3) Good night (1007) Bad night (633)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.

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  (617): she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon. http://tfl.nu/r3ld
  Replies (13) Good night (308) Bad night (1331)

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