Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

You really coming over, don't trick.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

i think the doormans mad at me

(773): View more from Illinois

well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...

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(225): View more from Louisiana

So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?

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(217): View more from Illinois

she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...

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(585): View more from New York

Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.

(1-585): View more from New York

How high are you?

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(516): View more from New York

The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.

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