That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
