I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
