Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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