If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
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Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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