Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH

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(516): I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH http://tfl.nu/3xpv

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(919): View more from North Carolina

please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys

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(919): please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys http://tfl.nu/inic

Replies (21) Good night (963) Bad night (4733)
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(971): View more from Oregon

this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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(971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc

Replies (57) Good night (1742) Bad night (20930)
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(647): View more from Ontario

im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.

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(647): im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old. http://tfl.nu/1v3o

Replies (20) Good night (666) Bad night (2938)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i used baking grease as lip gloss

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(978): i used baking grease as lip gloss http://tfl.nu/a8ny

Replies (18) Good night (617) Bad night (5499)
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(410): View more from Maryland

i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there

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(410): i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there http://tfl.nu/vhdj

Replies (13) Good night (3270) Bad night (1143)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.

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(757): I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper. http://tfl.nu/o740

Replies (4) Good night (2995) Bad night (765)
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(407): View more from Florida

and now there are teeth marks on my dick.

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(407): and now there are teeth marks on my dick. http://tfl.nu/97y3

Replies (17) Good night (1289) Bad night (5633)
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(789): View more from

Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.

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(789): Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back. http://tfl.nu/mvrr

Replies (4) Good night (2230) Bad night (656)
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(914): View more from New York

After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.

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(914): After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture. http://tfl.nu/pufy

Replies (6) Good night (1277) Bad night (957)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.

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(701): She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down. http://tfl.nu/f22r

Replies (18) Good night (713) Bad night (1331)
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(406): View more from Montana

Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.

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(406): Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip. http://tfl.nu/5qjy

Replies (6) Good night (924) Bad night (435)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.

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(541): Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life. http://tfl.nu/7mk5

Replies (18) Good night (750) Bad night (484)
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(516): View more from New York

I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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(516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l

Replies (6) Good night (1797) Bad night (450)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.

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(630): I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award. http://tfl.nu/kz36

Replies (5) Good night (1005) Bad night (414)

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