I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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