i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
