wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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