One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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