I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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