My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
