Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
