Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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