sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
