Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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