Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
