Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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