mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
