i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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