he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
