I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
