yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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