very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...