so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
