i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?