Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING