he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I licked your asshole in confidence.