Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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