I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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