Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
