I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
