fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
