All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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