It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
