How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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