yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
