yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
