she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
