im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
