I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
