whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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