This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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