so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
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I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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