I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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