He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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