...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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