And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
