Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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