so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
whose ass print is on the piano?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
