hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
