Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My bed smells like the plague
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
