he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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