just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
