True but thats because hes a fetus.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
