no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
