She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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