...so i touched it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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