He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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