booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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