Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
