You smell like a Billy Joel song
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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