we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
