You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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